Dubravko's musings

amazing ignorance or "an altered intuitive sense"

2011-05-19T06:51:00.002-04:00

I heard this report on the radio this morning (link to a printed version of it). It reports that

"Gross domestic product shrank 0.9% in the first three months of the year, the Cabinet office said, giving an annualised rate of contraction of 3.7%."

And so that caught my attention as being incorrect. I said, they are probably taking a quarterly rate and calculating the cumulative rate as in ((1 + QuarterlyRate/100)**4 - 1) * 100 and getting something like 3.64889225609997%, which they (wrongly) rounded up to 3.7%. Clearly the cumulative annual rate is not QuarterlyRate * 4.

But their calculation is incorrect since the rate is negative (not rate of growth but rate of shrinkage) and so the result is really -3.5516909439, which is less than 3.6%.

You know, average person has very poor feeling for numbers as they relate to quantities. Research has shown (I do not remember the source) that anything larger than a 3 digit number is beyond our intuitive comprehension. Proportion of "1" to "1000" is felt differently from the proportion of a million to a "billion," which is the same as the former one. I am particularly sensitive to those things likely due to my scientific training.

advanced age

2010-10-04T09:04:00.002-04:00

I remember in my early years, my teens and twenties and perhaps later, I regarded those of my age of today as just not having much life in them. They always seemed so serious and not having much pleasure in life. They moved slower, they occasionally cringed as a hip or some other body part did not quite function as it used to. Their hairs receding and graying, their skin wrinkling, their voices losing strength.

And now? Well now I am in my sixties and feel the same amount of life force in me as ever. Yes, I do take my time getting out of bed in the morning and slowly come down or up the stairway, but, I am not dead. My spirit still soars, my heart still races in excitement of youth. And I am marrying my sweetie next month (and being married by her), enjoying our partnership with as much vigor as ever, running in the field, tumbling in the pool, being plain silly and giddy.

I wish I paid more attention in those days of my youth, paid more attention to the incredible reservoir of wisdom and experience of those who had been there before me. I wish I had not treated them as, well as just not being worth my time, you know what I mean. But, I did not know better. Now I know, but do they now know -- they of the younger age?

Rights

2010-09-13T19:37:00.003-04:00

What's on my mind? Rights. The so-called inalienable rights, natural rights, god-given rights, etc. etc... whatever you call them ... you know, right to life, happiness, and such.

I do not believe there are any such things, but only those which we afford to each other. And that changes in time and space.

So let's not cloak ourselves in such foolishness and claim that we have rights given by some force outside of ourselves.

BTW, I am fully fireproof :-).

Coming along

2010-09-01T13:16:00.003-04:00

My darling and I plan to get married on November 12, 2010. That is a huge day. Not the first time either of us have been married, but we do believe it will be the last and are committed to make it so.

There are a few issues, a few challenges in front of us which we must resolve. Elke is a very practical woman, hard and creative worker, very accomplished in many areas. I am not a very practical man, you might say I am a dreamer.

I like to start resolving issues with "what is desirable," while Elke seems to ask "what is possible." I like that combination as long as we both understand the strengths and the weaknesses of each approach and are willing to yield and contribute as necessary.

I hope that our strengths will be by far more useful to us than will our weaknesses detract us.

adagio for souls

2010-06-24T16:15:00.003-04:00

They come from nowhere, to nowhere they return. As they travel they glow, they dance, they smile, they tumble and twist but go they do. They, the souls on their eternal journey from the unknown to the unknown. Briefly they can see each other through the veils of mysterious fogs, they whisper words of amazement, of enchantment, and they go along. "Hi," they say in passing. They turn around for one last look before the darkness welcomes them back into its rich bosom, but it is no more. They reach, they stretch, they strain, they call, they sing one last adagio and they go. As they go, they leave a trace, a small, weak trace of their golden, shimmering dust, colors of all sorts, glistening, suspended in the vacuum of reality, like the trails should be. "I was here," they say. Can anyone hear them? Those souls of ours. And go they do.

The road from the top

2010-06-07T12:29:00.002-04:00

The road from the top is always down. The road from anywhere else is your choice - could be down, could be up, could stay leveled! Where do you want to go?

So refreshing, if you ask me

2010-05-28T08:12:00.004-04:00

Ah, it felt so good to read the following few sentences from cnet news this morning:

Pop quiz: Which one is the true tablet? Apple iPad, JooJoo, Dell Streak, or HP Slate? If you guessed any of them you're right. Or you're wrong. Because the answer seems to depend on whom you ask.

And the reason for my excitement may not be what you would expect. It is not about the question raised or the answer (I) provided, or the comments - as clever as they are, comments, that is.

It is that the writer used "whom you ask" instead of the usual - and wrong - "who you ask." I read it and read it again and couldn't stop admiring what I saw. So there! Thank you Erica.

two minds

2009-09-30T05:12:00.000-04:00

I have been born with two minds - one rational where all roads are connected and lead somewhere, where there is a beginning and an end, where 2+2 is always 4, where up is up and down is down. The other, that other mind thinks in riddles and feels in circles which never end, clouds which never rain, songs which never die.

How did they ever come together, those two minds? and why? to torment each other? or to help each other navigate life's mysteries? Whatever their fuel may be, they tease each other and play games, in constant mixing and melting and molding, miming, saddening and rejoicing in an eternal gasp called life. What am I to make out of it? Well, go for a ride and write home frequently.

reminiscing

2009-09-21T17:28:00.002-04:00

I took my last war-time trip to Croatia and Bosnia-Herzegovina in May 1994. My mother had passed on in January, my daughter started living a more normal life in Osijek, my good friend Mira had been out of the nightmare of the war for a few years now, but I still had friends and family in the city. So, I undertook this last trip meaning to visit and bring a few goodies from the outside world to those stuck in Sarajevo.

It is not hard to understand what it meant to those inside to be visited, to be assured that they were not forgotten. I visited with my cousin (I wrote a little story about that experience - "The Other Side of The Mirror"). On my way back, I boarded a military plane (I had a press pass), took off from Sarajevo airport where just a year and a half before I ran for my life under fire to get into Sarajevo and landed in Split in Croatia short 20 or so minutes later.

What caught my attention was the contrast between the two cities so close but yet so far. Sarajevo, a city under siege and fire, and Split, a city in the swing of the oncoming summer with sidewalk cafes and lightweight fun seekers basking in the afternoon sun, sipping their cappuccinos. That contrast brought home the understanding of how easy it is to ignore the suffering of others when they are not seen, not close.

Purpose - part 1

2009-09-03T05:26:00.002-04:00

During my second year of a rigorous graduate program in the Krannert School of Management at Purdue University in late 70s, making my way through numerous contentious jousting with my fellow students while presenting cases, working on various projects, studying, taking exams, and feeling all the ups of triumphs and downs of defeats which left me feeling mostly empty, I started questioning it all with a fundamental question, what is life, and followed by even more significant question, what is the purpose of my life.

The struggles of my daily graduate student life just did not make sense to me since they only lead to more such struggles to follow during my supposed career after graduation. When I questioned the borderline brutal treatment encouraged and dished out by the faculty, I was told that it is in preparation for the "reality out there." Well, I thought I did not like that "reality out there." I just was not getting a stable satisfaction of doing what I liked to do as I thought I should. Stress seemed to be a prevalent state of being.

Thus those questions of life and my purpose in it were pushing themselves front and center, beckoning for attention. I started asking around, reading, thinking, discussing my nascent ideas with others. But, central to that process was a conviction that I must come to answers to those questions on my own, without subscribing to any existing ideology or theology, as a result of going as far and as deep as I can go with derivative questions, making sure that my conclusions maintain inner integrity and self-consistency, until such time I came to a place where I could not develop further answers. I was continuously pushing that boundary and testing my evolving system against new information.

The results are quite simple. My purpose in life is to discover and develop my distinguishing abilities to their maximum, apply them in my daily life and experience the process. Quite simple. Coincidentally, I believe that all life has that same purpose.

Now, I can take a U-turn and touch the first question – what is life.

love and fear

2009-09-02T09:17:00.005-04:00

In addition to the purpose, interests, and rights from the other post, I also conclude that all actions are motivated by either fear or by love as the evaluation base. I would also propose that love and fear are two fundamental emotions of which all other emotions are derivatives.

purpose, interests, and rights

2009-09-01T04:37:00.004-04:00

For a long time I thought about these and came up with the following conclusions:

purpose of (my) life is experiencing life itself to the maximum as I fully develop and apply my specific abilities to it,
nothing but my interests should guide my behavior, and
there is no such thing as inalienable rights.

I know that this would surprise and even shock some of those who think they know me. I will elaborate later - it might make sense to you as well.

Death of a Butterfly

2009-08-25T16:07:00.012-04:00

It's the "geezers day" today at New Leaf Market, my neighborhood store where they "offer an abundance of organic and local produce, natural groceries, organic wine and beer, supplements, vitamins and body care products." We, senior citizens, get a discount. So, I always go on Tuesdays to do some pick-up shopping.

Got on my bike right after work and with absolutely perfect weather I launched myself into the air, barely touching the asphalt (so I thought), feeling like flying, just like a butterfly. Smile on my face, deep breath in my lungs, happy thoughts on my mind.

Got my stuff (lettuce, a piece of organic soap, and some dinner from their hot bar), collected happily my discount and was on my way back. Oh, yes, I saw an old friend whom I had not seen at least 14, maybe 15 years. It was really nice to see her with some ancient feelings reviving there for a moment. She looked really fine. We both seemed a bit perturbed and sort of shaky in our knees by the suddenness of it all and pretended that all was well and acted really cool.

Anyway. So I got back on my bike, rode across the parking lot to the intersection, pressed the button and waited for my sign to go (I usually ride back on the sidewalk, not generally my preferred way, but really practical in this situation).

And, as I was waiting there I noticed a smallish black butterfly approach the same intersection just a few feet away from me going in the same direction. Nice. Alas, it did not read the "don't walk" sign and went merrily on to cross. I looked left and right and noticed with relief that there was not much traffic, thus making the tiny creature's crossing a real possibility.

But then, as it flutteringly and lazily crossed the median, suddenly a car came by from the right. The car was low enough to just sort of blow the little guy (maybe it was a girl, I don't know) a bit up in the air, giving him a little lift and a pause, I guess. Maybe the little fellow took another breath and said, okay, I can be on my way now.

Finally a truck got him. It flicked him up high in the air, high, high, high up in the air it flew. I though perhaps it was okay. My heart fluttered in anticipation to see the little creature continue on its way. But, it didn't. It spiraled down, down it went all the way to the hot asphalt where car after car sort of pushed him over, thrashed him left and right. My heart was starting to tremble in pain for that useless loss of innocence. I know, I know, I am projecting here, but what can I do, that's how I felt.

A few moments later it was my turn to cross. I rode over the median and saw the little creature a few yards to my left, on the asphalt, his wings up in the air, in the hot sun. His body, though, had no way to make use for those black wings with slivers of iridescent green any longer.

I continued riding my bike home slowly, subdued, thinking about life and its ways with us all. You never, ever know or understand all its mysteries. The best we can do is take every chance we get to be kind to all others and to ourselves, give away our gifts, and make best of what we got, which is not negligible if we only look around the corner and take a notice.

I am happy that you could read this.

abandonment

2009-08-06T08:27:00.002-04:00

I am still very much distressed by the shooting in the PA gym (see the post on CNN's web site). How horrible it is for the lives to be lost so senselessly.

What got my attention, though, was the following graph in the quoted article:

"In the note found at the scene in Sodini's gym bag, he complains he had never spent a weekend with a woman, never vacationed with a woman and never lived with a woman, and that he had had limited sexual experiences, Moffatt said."

Later in the article it said how Sodini felt abandoned by the world. What a horrible state of mind that was. How was it possible that no one noticed it? And if someone did, how is it possible that no one helped out? He was apparently a church-goer yet nothing came from that direction for him either, evidently.

As a result of a man feeling so rejected and abandoned, so many other lives were so adversely affected. While nothing can remove the responsibility for this terrible act of violence from him and him alone, I can understand how easy it is for a person in this culture to feel rejected and abandoned. Luckily not everyone who feels that way resolves it the way this sorry man did.

I do feel for the families and friends of those who so tragically lost their lives in this, yet another, act of senseless violence. My heart goes to you and would have gone to Sordini had I known him before he ended it all so tragically.

Breastfeeding

2009-08-06T07:39:00.002-04:00

It is time for my monthly musing, so here it goes.

We are so screwed up where I live. I do not remember when the last time was that I saw a woman breastfeed a baby if ever in the USA. In many other parts of the world, women breastfeed where ever they may be when the baby is hungry. There is not much more in life that is human than the act of breastfeeding a baby. Yet, somehow some consider that a case of indecent exposure, some feel uncomfortable.

What's the matter with us? Why do we get so perturbed at a sight of human female breast in public doing the natural thing? I don't get it. It boggles my mind actually. I feel sad thinking about it.

Most of all I feel sad for all the babies who do not get the benefits of breastfeeding -- the most natural and healthy food they will ever have is denied to them in their first encounter with the world.

When did I become I?

2009-07-19T12:04:00.002-04:00

Hmmm, this one is a bit tricky. I do believe I have memories from the womb (I can explain). So, if I have (my) memories from the womb, I must have been "I" then, in the womb, before my body left my mom's (thanks mom!).

When did I become I? Must have been that I have always been I but have started using this body, which I now call mine, at some point during this body's development. Perhaps it was during conception, perhaps not, I don't quite know.

What I do know is that this body of mine has served my purpose on Earth very well so far, thank you very much.

What do you think? When did you become an "I?"

Can I be dead?

2009-07-19T12:01:00.003-04:00

Well, no! Simply because when I die my body stops hosting an "I" - ergo, I can die but not be dead!

Michael

2009-06-25T21:35:00.002-04:00

Whether I like him or not, Michael Jackson has been very much a part of my life with his music, his creativity, his dancing, his outrageousness, his courage to do what he wanted to do, and to continuously re-create himself. I salute your life, Michael! You have left a mark on my life and on our times.

Happiness

2009-01-30T14:00:00.004-05:00

The other day someone asked what happiness was. So I thought I'd write about it a bit.

Wikipedia says that "Happiness is a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy".

Merriam-Webster says that it is "a: a state of well-being and contentment : joy b: a pleasurable or satisfying experience."

All very nice but largely overblown and useless definitions. So what is it to me, I though. At the end of the day, happiness comes from knowing that I have fulfilled or am fulfilling my life's purpose.

tango saxophone

2008-11-24T08:40:00.006-05:00

The other day I listened to Francisco Lomuto's "1931/1950 - Colección 78 RPM 2" CD. There, on track 2, is a simple, little, very melodic vals called "Congojas Que Matan."

What caught my attention was a surprise saxophone solo at about 1:24 -- a very short passage, a sweet, sad sound that so beautifully fits the feeling of the song.

I just can't help but listen to it over and over; ah so beautiful.

El Adiós

2008-11-22T12:50:00.004-05:00

I recently revisited "El Adiós," this beautiful tango composed in 1937 and performed and danced by many.

My favourite interpretation for dancing is that of Edgardo Donato with Horacio Lagos singing just one verse. To hear all verses sung I listen to Ignacio Corsini's recording in 1938. Beautiful!

But what really made me return to it was the clip of Osvaldo y Coca dancing it in El Beso in Buenos Aires.

There are many things beautiful about their dance, but what sticks out the most is the feeling of love and care that they radiate as they dance. They are among friends who adore them and it is felt. I have seen Osvaldo and Coca dance several times in person and what you see on that video clip is the real thing -- that's how they are.

One little detail that was missing in this clip is a little peck on the lips they usually exchange before dancing which makes them even so much more special and dear.

Otros Aires

2008-11-19T07:32:00.002-05:00

I have been listening to Otros Aires now for the second straight day. I love their (two) albums. Their music so beautifully combines the moderns sounds and ideas with the classics, made-to-sound-like-classics, and even the ancients. Singing, sound effects, the mix, track selections -- it all gives me a very good feeling of Buenos Aires streets so diverse, so full of life, with creativity everywhere. This Southern metropolis, Buenos Aires, is truly that - a metropolis equaling the other greats - paris and alike. The added benefit - tango - makes it irresistible.

Sings of age

2008-11-17T12:50:00.008-05:00

I got a shocker the other evening reading an on-line news publication from Croatia - a former Miss Yugoslavia committed suicide - she was 62. Well, this particular lady, Ms. Nikica Marinovic, was Miss (former) Yugoslavia in 1966 and became first runner-up at Miss World that year. She was born and grew up in Dubrovnik.

Later on that year, we had our high school prom and Ms. Marinovic was invited. She came with her boyfriend who was a drummer in a local rock band and was controlling her every step.

At some point during the ball I got this crazy idea that I wanted to dance with her - she had not danced up to that point at all. I did not even dream that that would be possible given who she was, who I was, and given her eagle boyfriend. I went to their table and asked her to dance and she agreed!! So, I danced with Miss Yugoslavia. My friends did not let me off the hook for that one ever. And now she is dead! Hmmm.

P.S. In preparation for that prom, my mother gave me my very first ever lesson in Tango. Earlier that year I danced to the first tango I remember ever - Tango Delle Rose.

tango or not tango

2008-11-07T23:27:00.009-05:00

There was a recent discussion on Tango-L group about this video (see Milonga en Alemania):

Some comments were lamenting about the "tango nuevo" phenomenon and its repercussion.

I wrote (edited for the purpose of this post):

One thing I like about this context for dancing is the backdrop character of the music.

This music is not danced (tango music is danced) -- it provides a channel, a basis, an opportunity to amplify a mood. And then that mood is danced out in a very personal way, just as the amplified mood is a very personal matter.

Another point about this music is that, for me, it has an equalizing effect on dancing partners in a sense that allowsboth partners to fully and simultaneously create. It presents an enormous playground for improvisation.

In other words, when it is danced well (I have a long way to go, but desire to get there), it allows for a continuous change of traditional "roles" and thus the product, the whole spectrum of dance sensations, is co-creative. Very, very different from classic tango dancing.

As a mater of fact, if you dance to this music in a classic way, you will almost certainly get bored quickly. But venture into co-creation and you will be amazed by the whole new set of sensations. Certainly, some of the "classic" sensations are "out the window" too. Hence, you gain some and you lose some.

Of course, the classic tango is in a way co-creative as well, but with the "roles" very defined and maintained throughout the dance, with very few exceptions.

I am sure there are those on this list who see this in a very different light. I hope we realize that we should not be seeking "the truth" about it, but are simply sharing our own attitude about it which can not be right or wrong - it is very personal.

Finally, should this be called tango? I do not really care and do not wish to discuss at all.

My comment was really only about the music used for that clip not about the dancing. What do you think?

Tengo Miedo

2008-08-03T16:24:00.009-04:00

Earlier today I was leafing through the copies of pages from a tango music book I borrowed from a friend thinking which one I'd like to learn. The first one catching my attention was "Tengo Miedo" (if it does not play from that page, try this one).

What a great old tango (it was apparently written in 1929). So, I strummed my guitar and hummed and later sang it with a vigor of new discovery.

Then, I said let me see what I can find out on the web about it. Needless to say, there is lots. I went to Youtube links and found a clip of Carlitos Gardel and Julio Sosa among others (two very different interpretations, I love the Gardel one with the guitars).

A bit further down on the list of links was this one to Three Women of Tango. I thought, great, women are not quite as talked about in tango as men are. What I found was a great story. Well, really three stories, all in one way or another related to "Tengo Miedo." I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Tango dancing, singing or reading about it provides me with endless pleasures. It must be magic. No end in sight! Salimos?

Purpose

2008-06-25T20:25:00.006-04:00

The other day I was chatting with a friend when the subject of purpose of life in general and that of one's life in particular came up. After a bit of thinking about it my friend declared that the purpose of life is "to find the purpose of life." That immediately sounded paradoxical to me, but I could not quite show why. But, it just occurred to me today what was wrong with that statement.

If purpose of life were to find purpose of life, then either one will never fulfill that purpose and thus live purposelessly, or will eventually be without a purpose. In either case one's life would be without a purpose.

Another way to look at is to say that if a person makes that statement - purpose of my life is to find purpose of my life - he or she indirectly also states that he or she knows the purpose of his or her life - so what is there to look for, thus the statement makes no sense.

New DB blog

2008-05-25T10:47:00.004-04:00

Since it seems like I am inclined to talk about politics in broad sense of the word these days more than about other things in my life, I created a new blog to conduct that activity:

http://dbpolitics.blogspot.com/

Florida, Michigan Democrats

2008-05-21T13:39:00.003-04:00

Unless there is new voting in Florida and Michigan, which itself would not be 100% just, in my view, becuase of the changed dynamics of the contest, there is no way to make things right for Florida voters who voted or were to vote in Florida and Michigan primaries.

Due to the application of Democratic Party rules of conduct of these primaries, votes of those who voted in Florida and Michigan primaries are not to count. Then there were also those voters who did not vote at all, because they were told that their votes would not count.

I fail to see how this situation can be righted without hurting someone in the process.

The "dream ticket"

2008-05-13T11:08:00.003-04:00

Obama-Edwards! It just occurred to me today, dah! There has been so much buzz about the Obama-Clinton dream ticket when it is obvious for a variety of reasons already discussed by all the pundits around that the chances of it are slim and plus that it would bring more problems to the campaign than would it resolve defficiencies.

The obvious dream ticket is really -- Obama-Edwards. I have not heard this combination talked about, but it seems to me really a winning duo. Both are young, lawyers, with good record in public service, good looking, with a vision. One is a true Southerner, the other an internationalist, both highly visible and recognizable. What more do we want? Do they get along? I don't know. But, I hope this pair runs together and wins in the Fall.

After the debate last night

2008-02-22T11:31:00.003-05:00

You know, something has been on my mind for a long time - the difference between the conceptual proclamations and political speeches. And here is the crux of it.

One of the conceptual pillars on which US officially bases her life is free market and the right and the responsibility of each person to make decisions for him or herself. That is what the US likes to officially promote around the world as essential components of freedom.

Well, then I hear so much about health care and the health insurance business associated with it and the home foreclosures situation. These are by no means isolated examples of the conflict between political proclamations and the principles US likes to promote both internationally and abroad, but the most glaring to me after hearing the debate last night.

And here's what we are told. We are told by at least one of the candidates that insurance companies should not be permitted to discriminate against the applicants based on the their state of health. In other words, the premiums and/or the approval of the application should not depend on how sick the applicant may be. Now, why is it that in the environment of the free market, where any business must pay attention to the bottom line, insurance companies are not allowed to do that. Obviously, if someone is already sick, the likelihood that he or she will be drawing on the benefits of the health insurance is higher than if not. Why should the insurance company, or all the rest of the insured, have to bare the cost of that? I am not debating the justice of lack of it or of discrimination, but am ticked off by the hypocrisy.

Then the sub-prime crisis and the foreclosures. If we have a free market, as we are told to believe, then why should I, a member of the public, pay for someone taking advantage of cheap loans? This makes no sense in the context of the free market, does it? Candidates are all talking about freezing the sub prime rates and putting a moratorium on foreclosures. Well, either lenders are going to lose their investments or everyone will have to pay for the foolish (or perhaps not so foolish, perhaps it is just a gamble and some lose and some win) of those being lured by low sub prime lending rates. In either case, the fundamental principles of free market and free decision making are severely violated.

Again, I am not debating here whether or not we should have socialized medicine or housing or education and leave behind the free market ideal, just am voicing my frustration with the double-speak of those who advocate free market out of one side of their mouth and then want protection when they speak out of the other. Can we just not make up our mind?

Saturday, Feb 9, - in Buenos Aires

2008-02-15T18:08:00.003-05:00

Arrived a bit late, had enough time for a cup of coffee waiting for 7:30 and my connection to arrive. As we drive to town, he informs me that there have been changes so we had to go somewhere else to get the key for the apartment (Laura is not in Buenos Aires and she supposedly had arranged for people to take care of the things). We get the key and go the apartment.

I go upstairs and the renter is still there acting surprised to see me. But, he lets me leave my luggages in “my room” – luckily he had taken the other room. The deal was that I would return by 11:00; I would let in the cleaning woman; she would clean the place and prepare it for me.

I returned at 10:45, the apartment was unlocked with my stuff in it and not a trace of the guy or the cleaning woman. I wait and wait, no one shows up. I e-mail Laura and she informs me that the cleaning woman cancelled on her (and me, really). The long story short, no cleaning, no new sheets o towels – nothing – dirty dishes in the sink, garbage bags on the floor, it is a mess.

Well, I somehow accepted that I just had to live with it, but my feeling for Laura and her distance management is souring by the minute. I go downstairs to the 3^rd floor apartment to see if the other Laura’s tenant, “a nice woman from Albuquerque,” had an idea. She did not have any ideas what to do, but had some clean towels for me.

I hook up my laptop to the internet hub in the apartment – the connection is very unstable, off and on.

It’s now time for the class with Mimi Santapa. I am looking forward to it and can’t wait for four o’clock to go to Callao 86, quarto piso. I got up there and I was the first student. Mimi did recognize me from last year and was glad to hear from Gordon and Wanda. The class was okay, but, I am loosing my enthusiasm for Mimi. Especially after I practiced with her assistant (I can’t remember her name, the one with long blond hair) and tried to lead a sequence which I sort of invented for myself, tried with several partners in Tallahassee and it worked every time – all of them loved it. Well, this assistant got stuck at one point and refused to make a step as marked complaining she could not read the mark. She asked Mimi and Mimi had hard time with it too. That really discouraged me – either I was totally inept at it or both Mimi and her assistant were not really up to it. It sort of bothered me.

(I tried that same lead several times again in the days to follow with several other women and it worked every time. On top of that, I showed it to Ana Maria Schapira during my private lesson with her today – Friday, Feb 15 – first to her assistant who danced with me – she liked it and said the mark was perfect – then Ana Maria wanted to feel it and she agreed that the mark was very clear and she liked the sequence saying she had not seen it before. So, I am now thinking something was really wrong in Mimi’s class on Saturday.)

Anyway, that made me not want to join them at Al Arranque today. I just went home and decided that I had a long day and needed to rest. Went to the small grocery store downstairs, loaded up on some supplies and called it the day – a very long day.

Milongueando 2008

2008-02-15T18:04:00.005-05:00

It’s been both exciting and frustrating for me since I left for Buenos Aires on Feb 8. So, I have not written down any of my experiences and will try to summarize them now.

Friday, Feb 8, 2008 – I left for Buenos Aires

My dear friend, Karen, took me to the Tallahassee airport and all seemed just perfect. Arrived to Miami well ahead of the time of the departure for Buenos Aires – four hours.

Went the the Aerolineas Argentinas desk to get checked in only to discover that somehow, between Thursday and Friday evening, someone cancelled my reservation. That sent me straight through the roof. AR had changed my ticket several times since I bought the ticket back in October – four months ago – to the extent that I lost one day in Buenos Aires. Well, I begrudgingly accepted all that since I felt I had little choice. And now, no reservation on record at all? Well, I got really angry and angrier by the minute.

After much finagling I got the boarding pass and was on the plane for Buenos Aires as scheduled. No “we are so sorry for your trouble” – nothing. I mean, very bad business indeed.

"old" age

2008-01-13T08:33:00.000-05:00

Sure! 58 (my current biological age) is more than 38 is more than 18 is less than 78 ... I do recall, when 18, thinking of those of 38 as super old, having nothing in their life, and certainly those of 58 already dead!

Now that I am 58, I'd like to let those of 18 and 38 know that we are not dead, that we have laughter and joy in our lives, that we too yearn to be loved, held and embraced and to hold and to embrace, that we are curious, we look around the corner, we travel unknown, sometimes forbidden, paths and, although we might nap a bit more during the day, we are very much alive!

But, will they listen? Did I?

chinese room

2008-01-11T14:54:00.000-05:00

The other day I got interested again in the issues of mind-body connection or interface and so I went to Wikipedia to see what people have to say about it. I read the post and got intrigued by the Chinese Room experiment.

Reading that post reminded me of how it seems almost inevitable that we restrict our thinking to within a certain world view and thus limit ourselves. For example, the article has the following on the "Brain replacement scenario:"

Brain replacement scenario. In this, we are asked to imagine that engineers have invented a tiny computer that simulates the action of an individual neuron. What would happen if we replaced one neuron at a time? Replacing one would clearly do nothing to change conscious awareness. Replacing all of them would create a digital computer that simulates a brain. If Searle is right, then conscious awareness must disappear during the procedure (either gradually or all at once).

The paragraph illustrates the problem on multiple points. The first sentence assumes that all actions of neurons are knowable and thus potentially reproducible by a computing machine. Thus the whole paragraph is now based on false or incomplete premise or at least one which can not be proven true or false.

Then in the third sentence (one right after the question) the author offers a statement as an established truth, which in fact is rather another assumption at best. The following statement contains yet another questionable assertion.

What concerns me is not so much the fallacy of the mental exercise, which, the exercise, does have value on its own, though, but rather the fact that often, based on those musings of various scientists or philosophers, technologies are developed which are used to consciously impact some aspect of daily life. If this is done with full understanding of the limitations of the theories, fine - we can possibly prepare properly for eventualities. Otherwise, such blind application of theories which incorporate fallacious thinking leads to uncharted territories with potentially disastrous consequences.

intelligent design

2008-01-09T13:14:00.000-05:00

The other day I listened to yet another debate on the radio about the "intelligent design" vs evolution. Regardless of what I think about the issue (I will write about that separately at some point), I am amazed how the "creationists" are not very effective in responding to the "fossils" argument offered so often by the "evolutionists."

It should be simple to say that, since the "creator" created the world and humans in it, the "creator" also created the fossils. I mean, if you believe in the notion that a "creator" created it all, why could that not also include the fossils?

primaries

2008-01-09T12:32:00.000-05:00

Various thoughts race through by always-busy mind. It's about the NH primaries yesterday and election in general, more about evolution/creation, music I listen to, and, of course, always the immortal dance of tango.

NH primaries. I wonder what it is a testimony of that the pundits talk about the "come back kid" or the Iowa-momentum. Or they talk about too short of a time between Iowa causes and NH primaries so voters do not have enough time to "re-think" their votes. They talk about such-and-such candidate loosing/gaining ground. Everyone talks about "change," " experience," and such. All very generic stuff. I think all of that is a testimony of the inadequacies of the US electoral system.

I can understand how vote-casting calculus works and why the results of a previous primary/caucus election in the same election cycle would influence my vote. I suppose, if, by some reasoning (and here the media play a very crucial role) "my candidate" has no or very little chance of the overall win or some similar important role, I'd better switch my vote to the candidate who has the chance of winning, even if he or she is not "my candidate." That way I would make it almost certain that "my candidate" does not win.

I suppose you can argue that on some level it actually makes sense because in the process the candidate who is the best for most people eventually bubbles up on top.

But, why not have all the primaries on the same day and vote for two candidates - the most and the next most preferred one. I would prefer that in order to cut out the "pundits" effect.

I will leave the others thoughts of the day to other posts.

last day of 2007

2008-01-07T21:21:00.000-05:00

When I posted that previous note about a letter to my philosopher friend, it was early morning on "Silvestrovo" - last day of 2007. Little did I know how wonderful that day was going to be. I spent the morning with my two friends who stayed with me, visiting from Sarajevo, walked over to the local healthy foods store/restaurant to have a midday meal and ran into the woman who had given me her young love and took my passionate heart with her earlier in the year, spent the afternoon with the other very special woman in my life, and tangoed the year away that evening with my friends. What a day! What a year! Life goes on! No second show!

A letter to my philosopher friend

2007-12-31T07:36:00.000-05:00

One reason why I am so interested in people who are philosophers or are studying or have studied philosophy is to be able to complement my views on life with what they know or have learned.

For a period of about 15 years or so, starting in about 1978, I studied questions related to "being" and my being. I continue studying those, but not so intensely, since I do not find many who are interested in constructive, non-dogmatic exchange of ideas. My own studies started with reading, voracious reading of non-standard texts dealing with issues of interest to me (being, life). I began with C. Castaneda's series and continued on with F. Capra, and many others. I occasionally delved into Plato, Aristotle, Bible, Talmud, Bhagavad Gita , and Qur'an, and engaged some who knew more about those than I did in order to learn from them.

I did all that until I was able to form a simple understanding of "being" which mostly satisfied me. That understanding, while influenced by what I learned from the outside sources, has mostly come from my own questioning of propositions offered in standard sources and resolving their shortcomings. My understanding can easily be characterized as "simplistic" but it has, in its core, withstood many challenges.

I continue to expose my understanding of "being" to challenges in order to perhaps come up with even deeper understanding or to uncover any fallacies built into it so that I may make it more complete. All that is important to me so that I may see more clearly the purpose of my life.

Regrettably, not many people in this society so very busy with "doing" are either interested in fundamental questions of "being" or willing to devote their time to them. Academic world is too restrictive for me. I started a Ph.D. program (in Computer Science) twice only to leave both times, unable or unwilling to deal with formalities, the prescribed paths to knowledge. Without a Ph.D., one's work is not as valued or given credence and can not support one's academic life especially where one's continuing existence in it is measured mostly by how much resources in form of grants one can bring to the institution. Even while I was in it, I could never qualify as a PI on any grant proposals - so I left.

I resort to engaging friends, like you, who at least have formal background, possibly indicating their interest, in studying questions of "being" in order to help me unravel my own ball of strings further. This can be a treacherous road for both since I thrive on asking questions and listening to answers. Many misunderstand my questions as challenges of their knowledge and easily get defensive. I know I am ignorant in many ways and wish to lift that veil of ignorance with a little help from my friends.

That's where those many questions come from - my thirst to understand life as seen by you (and others). As a matter of routine, I often try to imagine what life must be like living in someone else's skin. Each one of us is stuck with our own skin, which helps mold our view of life. It is endlessly fascinating to me to leave my own skin temporarily, even if only in my imagination, and taste other people's skins.

That's why I'd want to know about your childhood, for example. All those many little, seemingly irrelevant moments inevitably grow into pebbles of one's own life mosaic. The path that lead to your taking vows. Your eldest-child responsibilities, self-imposed or otherwise. All those are very uniquely yours, but also so utterly human thus contributing to what we call "human experience."

Life phases

2007-12-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, in conversation with friends, it became clear to me how my life has evolved in phases - four of those phases so far - with transition periods in between. I do not know if those phases have any meaning to you, but they certainly summarize my life nicely.

Here are the phases of my life (so far) the way I see them: preparation, knowledge, truth, and beauty. I will likely write about those phases individually as I am inspired to write, but, in the nutshell,

Preparation lasted for approximately first 20 years of my life. During that period I heavily depended on my parents' support and learned the basics of life within limited environment dominated by my parents (and neighbors).

Next approximately 18 years were spent in acquiring knowledge, formal, organized knowledge as taught in schools and books.

What followed for the next approximately 17 years was my own, independent venture of truth discovery, my own truth about life and my place in it.

Finally, now I am in the beauty phase where I seek, appreciate, and create beauty and assist others in doing the same, for I believe that beauty ennobles one's soul and helps transcend the earth-bound existence, helps discover and apply one's true nature.

Argentine tango

2007-12-26T14:12:00.000-05:00

There is a very small tango community where I live (I feel I do not need to say "Argentine" tango since that is the tango, other flavors need adjectives). It got going a few years ago and while we were all true beginners we were together.

As we progressed and developed skills and tastes we diverged into two or three sub-communities, each being quite small and each organizing its own dance and practice events. Nothing particularly wrong with that, it seems like a natural development. However ...

What is becoming a problem for me is that there is now a very limited number of partners with whom I'd like to dance and very little progress is made other than in a very small circle (I regularly practice with two partners and have a practica with 3-4 other dancers).

So, I'd like more tango opportunities and better quality too. I will need to travel more, I suppose, to neighboring communities.

New relationships

2007-12-26T13:39:00.000-05:00

New relationships at this age seem to be tricky propositions.

First, there are so few interesting people around who are available and interested in broadening their circle of friends, not to speak of potential special/romantic relationship.

Than, I seem to be getting more and more picky in my choices and tastes. And, on top of that, I do not have much patience for superficial communications, for fluff. So, if I see someone even marginally interesting, I delve into personal stuff quickly. I really want to know about the person before establishing any sort of relationship.

Unfortunately, I get intense in this process of getting to know each other which scares most people away. By intense, I mean I do not play games, I ask questions, personal questions and am ready to share as well.

Sometimes I misread the clues of someone being just polite with me for being actually open to exploring.

As a result, I spend lots of time by myself. There are days when I do not speak with anyone the whole day. My work is such that I do not interact with others, other than perhaps electronically.

And, it's not that I feel I need or even desire company all the time, but, there are times when I'd like to share what comes to my mind with someone who is really interested in knowing what goes on inside of me. And that is so rare that I feel I will live my whole life without anyone really knowing me.

Also, I am a playful kind. I like playing, physically playing or goofing around verbally. I like smart-ass-ness in me and in others.

Maybe, that is not so unique. Perhaps, there are many people out there like me. How do I know?

Getting there

2007-12-25T12:43:00.000-05:00

So, here I am. After resisting for quite a while, decided to start sharing some of my musings with whoever might come by and hopefully get some feedback and have some e-conversations. I will most likely write about current events, things that catch my attention around me, about tango, society, music, philosophy, photography, bicycling, walks in nature, Croatia, Peru, etc...

Let's see what happens ...